i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
