My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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