can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
