I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
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he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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