Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
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