I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Come share oat with me in your robe
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
