I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
