What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
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