Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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