how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
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they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
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