ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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