I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
We need to get me chipped asap
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Randomize
