Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
