That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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