I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
