perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
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