i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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