I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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