A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
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