IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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