I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Randomize
