so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
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