Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
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