i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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