Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
