He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
