I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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