I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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