I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
