I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
