I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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