I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize