I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
