i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
