you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
