My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
