just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Houston, we have a blender
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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