Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
