so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
