she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
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but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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