plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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