like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
These tits shall not be calmed
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Randomize
