haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
