I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
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