That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize
