Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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