Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
