ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
