I'm laying in your front yard are you home
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Randomize
