Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
