You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
