i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
