So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Randomize
