i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
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I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
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Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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