Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
