Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
