Rock
Scissors
Fuck
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
you traded sex for a burrito?
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
