she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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