After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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