Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I love having hate sex.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Randomize
