We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
