so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
