and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
