His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
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if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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