I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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